You Are 22% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

Au Revoir

This has been long time coming but had to come one day.

The 4 years have just whizzed by and I can still remember the 1^st day in college, seems like yesterday.

College has been such a learning experience for me for you see before that I was pretty much living in a cocoon. Saw the same 140 faces in 14 years of school, lived in the same neighbourhood all my life and had friends for long as the memory can stretch.

So on that rather eventful day on 8^th August 2001, it struck me, I dint know a single face in college not even one, zilch, zero, none. So had to do something very alien to me insofar, MAKING FRIENDS, I stuck to that task rather diligently and the end of it all think am pretty good at it :-p

Its odd when you look back you only remember the “good” or the “fun” stuff that happened. I’m sure I dint like the DSP classes by “beloved” Mariappan but looking back it doesn’t seems all that bad. Neither did I like kicked by every living soul in college for my b’day but I’m almost looking back at it with certain amount of fondness (NO! I’m not crazy!!)

College has been my best teacher yet, I have met some of the best brains in Chennai, known some of the funniest people, got acquainted with people who just don’t give a damn about anything in life, saw major character transformations in the 4 years, more than played my fair share of pranks, and consider myself extremely lucky for knowing some super human beings.

And all that has come to an end. Guess that I’m feeling a bit sad, guess I did like the everyday grind of traveling 90kms and being bored to death by lectures.

College was my security blanket and now it is gone will have to start work in another week; God only knows how that is going to be like.

Am gonna miss college BIG time, it means no more heated discussions on football, no more ragging, no more being obnoxious, no more last bench wise cracks, no more night stays and no more playing gnibbles in labs.

But saying all this if someone came up to me and offered “Vignesh, we are gonna turn back the clock 4 years and let you relive the entire experience”
I would have to say “Thanks, but no thanks”

Its time to move on.

Say Cheese!

A picture is worth a thousand words they say

But whoever said that hasn’t seen me in a photo.

I was flipping through the photos taken during the last days of college and indeed all the photos were talking to me. I can hear words and plenty of talking, suddenly my picture comes up and I’m like ‘who hit the mute button’

I’m no Greek god but I’m not the hunchback of Notre dame either if you know what I mean. Have you seen the episode in F.R.I.E.N.D.S where Monica and Chandler decide to have their picture taken together and every time Chandler looks at the camera his contorts as if he is trying to pronounce “dodskjewr986wods” with pins sticking up his back side?? Ah! Now you are getting the drift.

The expressions on my face are positively outrageous. It looks as though I’m permanently constipated and the expression itself is half way between a growl and an Elvis lip curl. A proboscis monkey with a paralyzed face will do better.

There was photo with a pretty friend and I and it was suddenly Beauty and the Beast enacted all over again. Now I know why the best photos don’t have me in it.

Those who have seen my photo in my orkut profile page will know what I mean. My inbox is already overflowing with requests from people asking me to remove the source of their nightmares for the past 10 months and also new moms thanking me for giving them a real world image of the sandman or the “boochandi” and instilling the fear of God in their kids.

The other day saw my picture hung up in front of buildings, was feeling pretty proud of myself till I learnt it was used to ward of the evil eye. Oh shoot!!

(Note to thyself: People are eager to hand over the camera to you not because they think you are a great photographer but because they thinks its best for you and the photo that you stand on the other side of the camera’s lens)

And all those girls out there if in another 5 or 6 years you come across a photo that answers the above description, just want to say that it what is on the inside that counts and the outside is only temporary

P.S: Not that the inside is any better , at least it wont look as though it has just been kicked in the crotch

Ground Rules

NOTE: If you take offense to any of the things said here and if you don’t know me by sight then let me tell you “I couldn’t care less” :-p

“I’m bored, lets talk about something .You are boring” she said.
“Well, Ok let’s talk” I retorted, “What do you want to talk about”
“Hmmmmm…well anything, what have you been thinking about in last hour or so, we ll discuss that” she explored
“Ok.Mmm…last hour …lets see…there was navel lint, football, gals, ear wax, more football and more gals”. I said truthfully
“Eeew…. Yuk!!”

I can never understand women, they (in this case she) want to know what’s on my mind and then ridicule it. I would never ask a gal what’s on her mind and “Eeew” it or “yuk” it (probably because I m asleep when she is half way thru, anyways the bigger picture…)
So Ground Rule 1:
Don’t ever ask me what I m thinking unless you are prepared to listen to a painful discourse on things that reside in the crevices of the human body or Dennis Bergkamp or the 4-5-1 formation or Jennifer Aniston.


And it seems that I have this rare talent of offending gals and can remain blissfully ignorant of the fact that I have done so. Let me give you an example

vicky_dec8th: wat the hell are you talking about?? Aishwarya was crap at Cannes
vicky_dec8th: Thu
unknown:x-(
unknown: don’t ever talk to me again
vicky_dec8th: wat did I do??
unknown: you know what you did!!
(Name replaced in the best interests of the health of the writer and Ms.unknown put that gun down just remember that the sight of blood gives you a head ache)

Hours of apologies later, some samples
I’m sorry for using “hell” I know that you believe there is only heaven and everyone go there some day.
I’m sorry for calling ash crap I know that you just adore her.
Hey I m sorry for using “c***” I know how you hate swear words
I know that you love the English language and I shouldn’t have spelt “what” as “wat”

Pretty exhaustive one would think but turns out I missed one teeny-weeny little word “thu”. Drat!! and double drat!! I was so careful. She said later that it seemed as though I said the “t**” with spite and here I’m thinking its just another word like “pah” or “hmph”. Shows how much I know.
So Ground Rule 2:
If something I said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, I meant the other one.

And what’s with gals and their love to play mind games I mean if you want to know what’s on my mind (other than navel lint and football that is) just ask I’ll tell you.
I’m not a secretive soul and I’ll never be one. I’m never good at guessing games for me games are strictly restricted to cricket, football and basketball. So if you want to tell me something just tell it.
I could cite another example here but the girl in question would never ever talk to me again (Serious!!)
(Narmada if you are reading this, you know what I’m talking about ;-) )


So Ground Rule 3:
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it! I’m not a clairvoyant and I’ll never will be. My lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little I care about you.


Teju*: Don’t you think this skirt goes well with my top?
Me: uh huh
Teju* :I saw a taupe coloured spaghetti straps(atleast that’s what I think she said!!) at globus that would go well with my black keds.
Me: uh huh
Teju*:On second thoughts I think the red in the skirt clashes with the top.
Me: uh huh
*Name changed for the above stated reasons

I don’t have a girlfriend so I quite don’t know the experience of waiting for them while they dress but from what I hear it is quite an experience it seems in that time you can have a quickie with the girl next door, bake a cake and still have time to squeeze in a movie. What they do for hours in front of the mirror I never know and never want to know. I said “quite” in the first sentence cos I have 6 girl cousins who live with me so I kinda know how it feels.

So Ground Rule 4:
I own four pairs of identical blue jeans. What makes you think I'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress .I see in 16 colours like Windows default settings. Peach for example is a fruit not a colour and so is orange. Fawn is a baby deer. I have no idea what beige is.


“But you said last year……….”
(Me interrupting)“Wait a min did you say last year?”
“Yea”
“How do I even know that I said it”
“You have to take my word for it”
“Hmmmmm”

I hate this thing about girls, they seem to have a photographic memory (my cousin still remembers what I wore for diwali when I was in the 11th standard!!) why oh why do you have to remember these trivialities not that I have a problem with it unless of course you are going to use that against me. Also I am not that insensitive not to know that something is bothering you and if is ask you, you better tell me or I ‘ll act as though nothing has happened.

So Ground Rule 5:
Anything I said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. And if I ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," I will act like nothing's wrong. I know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. I’m here to solve problems. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

The last scenario might be made up and the previous ones a “bit” exaggerated but they were there to serve a purpose
Also I reiterate my previous stance (i.e.) if you don’t know me by sight I couldn’t care less if you were offended by my comments…. Muhahahaha
P.S:Just wanted to let you know that I screen my mail with sniffer dogs so if you are thinking of parcel bombs and anthrax laced letters better ditch the idea now.

Gone are the days.......

Gone are the days........but not the memories

Gone are the days
When the school reopened in June,
And we settled in our new desks and benches.

Gone are the days
When we queued up in book depot,
And got our new books and notes.

Gone are the days
When we wanted two Sundays and no Mondays, yet
Managed to line up daily for the morning prayers.

Gone are the days
When we chased one another in the corridors in Intervals,
And returned to the classrooms drenched in sweat.

Gone are the days
When we had lunch in classrooms, corridors,
Playgrounds, under the trees and even in cycle sheds.

Gone are the days
When a single P.T. period in the week's Time Table, Was awaited more
eagerly than the monsoons.

Gone are the days
Of fights but no conspiracies,
Of Competitions but seldom jealousy.

Gone are the days
When we used to watch Live Cricket telecast,
In the opposite house in Intervals and Lunch breaks.

Gone are the days
When few rushed at 5:30 to
"Conquer" window seats in our School bus.

Gone are the days
Of Sports Day, and the annual School Day,
And the one-month long preparations for them.

Gone are the days
Of the stressful Quarterly, Half Yearly and Annual Exams,
And the most enjoyed holidays after them.

Gone are the days
We learnt, we enjoyed, we played, we won, we lost, We laughed, we cried,
we fought, we thought.

Gone are the days
With so much fun in them, so many friends,
So much experience, all this and more.

Gone are the days
But not the memories, which will be
Lingering in our hearts for ever and ever and
Ever and ever and Ever.


As I was reading this forward sent by a friend of mine I couldn’t help but think "how true" and I could relate to every sentence.

I always said that I missed my school days but I think if anyone had asked me "WHAT DID YOU MISS?" I would have been very vague with the answer.

Now I know.

I reflected upon the days when I was an 8 year old. It was the age when we ran our socks off just for the sake of running .It was the age when we practiced our bowling action on the road, we knew we were turning heads but we really didn’t care.

It was the age when we envied the fat purses of the “annas” of our school and having 10 bucks as an 8 year old called for celebration in the canteen. We dint have champagne but we certainly had coloured soda

It was the age when our “friends” used to be people who we talked a lot to and our so-called “enemies” people who called us names.

We fought and made up, didn’t carry any grudges and even if we did we dint lose any sleep over it.

It was the age when we didn’t have to worry about what we are gonna do about the review next day or didn't have to worry how we are gonna explain a certain situation to a certain friend or what you gonna wear for the day out next day.

Chicks were cute little yellow things, “crushes” was the conjugation of the infinitive with the 3rd person and computers only existed in Sci-fi movies.

And we wanted good marks in examinations just to please our parents (well I guess some things never change!)

But seriously, it was the age of INNOCENCE the one thing we know we’ll never be able to have again, it’s like virginity only that we don’t know that we are losing it. Simple things made us laugh and we laughed so hard that we cried and we also cried because your brother got the last piece of chocolate because, trivial it seems now but things that made the world upside down at that age. At that age we longed to be adults because they got to drive cars and your head hardly reached the windshield, because they could stay up ate at night and watch movies while we have to be at bed by nine, because they could buy sweets any time they wanted but how always it was bad for our teeth. We drew comfort from the fact that we will be an adult someday something which we know we cant do right now because we can never be a children ever again.

Coming to think of it I think we are the luckiest generation, we were kids who were untainted by the Internet or video games filled with violence and gore or by cartoon network unlike todays kids. Saturday afternoons were spent on the roads playing cricket or the neighbourhood friend’s house playing ludo I don’t see that anymore in today’s kids. And yet we are “tech-savvy” caught up in a revolution in electronics and computers, things we never even dreamt of when we were kids.

Life is beginning to scare me to be perfectly honest, too many things are changing and they are changing too fast, I don’t think I be pondered about life for so long and so hard. We are at the crossroads of our lives; we are making the transition from “semi-adults” if I may to “real adults” with real life responsibilities and pressures. We don’t know what we are going to make out of our lives at least I don’t. I guess we’ll have to accept it and take it as we go along.

We can look back and long for “those” days but we can hope that the future will be the same in a different way if you know what I mean.

As the first line goes “Gone are the days…. but not the memories”

Back to the 4th standard anyone??

Mock CAT

• No I’m not talking about the 18 useless tests I took in Time.
  
  
  I too have decided to jump onto the blogging bandwagon, problem was I dint have a clue on what to write about so I started thinking about something that was eventful and in the recent past. ……Hmmmmm….I started writing about CAT then I thought the better of it ,its depressing enough just thinking about it.
  
  So after lots of head scratching,hair pulling and hitting the backspace key I got an idea , it struck me that I wrote a very similar exam not so long ago in fact only a couple of days ago, similar in the sense that anything under the sun(around 10 programming languages!!!) was the syllabus for the exam ,we don’t have books for it and they can ask anything as they damn pleased.
  
  We were forced to study from a “local” author book(Anna univ dint even bother to mention the prescribed books!but to their credit they did mention the book for 1 unit and that dint appear in the exam as you will find out). I don’t know whether it can get any more “local” than this.... My God!! If you can read this book end to end without laughing or getting angry (note: I dint even mention confused.) you must be a man with few emotions or you don’t know the English language. Here are a few excerpts from the book
  
  And I’m not bluffing
  
  · “the message may have to pass thru a gaggle of computers and networks” – why does the message have to pass thru a group of geese?? Beats me!!
  
  · “as you are a strong computer fundamentalist, let me not go………” – I’m not a fundamentalist of any kind
  
  
  · “Excuse me for not telling what a variable is” –Let me assure you if I am a strong computer fundamentalist(sic) I‘ll know what a variable is.
  
  · “Yes!!! Its time for us to get eyesight to get into our traditional way…..” beginning to think I might go blind if I read this book any longer.
  
  
  · “I promise you that learning applets is going to be funnier than reading a novel” – Yeah,quite possible if the novel was about concentration camps during WWII.
  
  · “…readers might have got certain amount of anger on me since I gave them Ice-cream and not spoon for eating” – Don’t even get me started on this.
  
  · “……it satisfies varied level of users from kids to old age”
  “people use it to fool around”
  “let me jerk on the cd”
  “lets take it off”
  
  -Sort of gives you other ideas don’t it?
  
  
  
  “ CGI Server side applets-The ideology is the just the controversy to CGI client side applets”
  Don’t look at me I ve no idea on what he is trying to say and somehow I don’t think he is talking about political parties.
  
  · “”For persons with strong mathematical knowledge(?) a prime number is a number divisible only by that number and 1 and I choose very large prime numbers 7 and 11”
  
  -Do I detect a hint of sarcasm or is he really that stupid.
  
  
  · “I did not take time in dropping the code in the book,Instead…” we should take the damn book and drop it on your bloody head.
  
  · “Are you a lazy mathematician or good programmer” – Neither I’m just a bemused reader.
  
  
  
  
  And the one that probably takes the cake is
  
  
  “….but my view point may be wrong. Still I could not get any alternate viewpoints for this justification and discussing it with experts(who I sure are strong computer fundamentalists!!!!) and friends. Even the search of HTML Tag emulation in Google returned 0 results. Hence, let me accept my hypothesis correct and start working on this section”
  
  You are writing a text book for heavens sake!!
  
  
  And the actual exam was a disaster much like CAT (for me at least) there were three letters “xml” which I had chosen to omit from the syllabus and the gods decided they were going to have a good laugh at my expense .I open the question paper and what do I see, horrors of horrors the compulsory question is on xml. Anna University had very conveniently forgotten the 5th unit and decided to omit the portions of the 3rd unit from the actual “foreign author” book which I had pain stakingly studied (all 250 pages of it!) so there I was in the exam hall completely bereft of ideas on how to attempt these 20 marks on xml ,then I resigned myself to the fact that I might have to write this exam the next time it comes around, again like CAT. So there you have it I went through entire spectrum of emotions that I went through while preparing for CAT ,that too in a space of a couple of days. Sigh!! Oh well…there is always next time.